The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children

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This happens because our ego is so insecure that it wants to be in control of everything. Change is uncomfortable for most adults, as they have an identity to protect now. Dr. Tsabary spends a chapter on the “ego,” noting that parents often invest their own self-worth in a child’s ability to make them feel successful as parents, either through outward achievements or by resolving the parent’s emotional needs to feel loved or in control, for example. (“Ego” is a label drawn from Freudian psychology that I avoid, because I prefer to use more accessible, emotion-based language, such as “pride” or “shame.”) There are many answers to these questions, but it’s even better if you consider them to be rhetorical. The point is simple: if you approach parenting as you would running a major organization, you would probably be a better parent. Not only because you would have mapped out a mission from the get-go, but also because you would know precisely what to do to achieve your objective. If the success of your startup depended on understanding something better or staying late at work, you would do both. Essentially, that’s what conscious parenting is all about: being there. And knowing what “being there” means. The dynamics of the parent-child relationship The best part of this approach is that their children will also learn the importance of self-growth and self-realization. A number of years ago I read a blog by psychologist Shefali Tsabary, PhD, and liked it enough to include it on one of my parenting handouts on Reflective Listening. Just recently I stumbled upon Dr. Tsabary’s work again and realized she now has three bestselling books out. Based on that initial blog, I assumed I would like the books, and I do. Here is my summary and review of her New York Times bestselling book The Conscious Parent. She has also written The Awakened Family and Out of Control: Why Disciplining Your Child Doesn’t Work and What Does, which I will review in future blogs.

Dr. Tsabary believes, as I do, that a child’s misbehavior or emotional distress is always due to the parents. “The focus is always on us as parents, requiring us to look within and ask, ‘What am I bringing to this relationship in this moment that is mine to own and not my child’s to receive?’” (p. 57) It’s a tremendous privilege to raise children, though for a quite different reason than most of us who are parents imagine. Read over 2 million e-books on any device: Sign up for 30 days free trial of Kindle Unlimited and read your favorite titles.It’s no surprise we fail to tune into our children’s essence. How can we listen to them, when so many of us barely listen to ourselves? How can we feel their spirit and hear the beat of their heart if we can’t do this in our own life?” She has published several books on conscious parenting and is an advocate for helping parents develop healthy relationships with their children.

Children are even more egotistical than parents. In other words, when they are acting out, they think even less of their parents than their parents think of them when they try to defend them. The lesson here is that you shouldn’t take a tantrum personally, at least not in the sense that it is directed at you. Quite conversely, it has probably originated in you. A tantrum or any other type of inappropriate behavior from your child is actually a cry for help. She also has a conscious coaching institute where she trains coaches to practice her philosophy and spread its message around the globe. Put bluntly, the level of self-reflection that conscious parenting requires is pretty uncommon. Typically, people only develop that kind of introspection after years of therapy or working with a coach. Conscious parenting works best when parents have done the Inner Work TM to be more curious about their emotional state. It’s messy

Start by having open conversations with your children about their decisions. Encourage them to ask questions and think analytically about their choices. Some concepts discussed in the book can be hard to grasp for parents who are not familiar with psychology. Dr. Shefali teaches women how to transcend their fears and illusions, break free from societal expectations, and rediscover the person they were always meant to be: fully present, conscious, and fulfilled. Yes, we recommend always washing the nappies and boosters first. Absorbency of the boosters can be fully reached by 8 washes. Remember never to use fabric conditioner as it clings to the fibres so they can’t do their job properly and over time will become less absorbent. How do I wash reusable cloth nappies? Neglectful parents favor a “hands-off” approach, neither getting very involved with their kids nor expecting much from them. They may believe that children learn best on their own. Neglectful doesn’t always mean abusive, but overall this tends to be the least effective parenting type.

Because we weren’t taught by either our parents or society to access our inner stillness and find the roots of our pain and pleasure within ourselves, we are reactive to external circumstances. Since we didn’t learn to simply observe our emotions, honor them, sit with them, and grow from them, our response to external stimuli became increasingly emotionally toxic, which is the root of our cyclones of drama. When we are raised to suppress our darker emotions, these emotions form a shadow from which we are cut off. When emotions are split from our consciousness, they lie dormant, ready to be activated at a moment’s notice, which is why so many of us erupt out of the blue. Whenever these emotions are triggered by another’s shadow, we find ourselves upset with the person who evoked these emotions in us. Again, let me emphasize that no one could evoke such emotions in us were they not already part of our shadow.” Discover the groundbreaking parenting solution in “The Parenting Map.” Acclaimed psychologist Dr. Shefali’s step-by-step guide helps you raise happy, healthy, and emotionally grounded children. With over two decades of experience, she disrupts toxic patterns and fosters authentic connections, empowering both parents and children. Furthermore, don’t forget to give them space to make mistakes, and then explain why they are mistakes.

Even so, most parents are eager to find answers to their children’s behavior. Blindly attached to the image they have of themselves, they believe that they are doing everything right or, at least, that there is a solution outside themselves. When they buy books and go to therapists, they don’t expect a lesson in humility, but a clever parenting strategy, a magic wand to make all parenting problems disappear. Parents don’t realize that the problem is not their children, but themselves, and that their unconsciousness, as Tsabary writes, is not their children’s to inherit, but theirs to excavate. Without knowing the true purpose of education, they force their thought process on their children, thinking that it’s okay to do so. Anya could understand nothing of this, because she believed she was a good parent and because she herself had been deemed a “perfect” daughter while growing up. Raised by emotionally cold parents, Anya tried her best to be loved by them by being “super-responsible, perfectly controlled and manicured.” The problem was that she expected the same from her daughter. So, instead of seeing Jessica’s rebellion as a cry for love and help, Anya interpreted it as undermining her role as a parent. Raising a child requires a lot of learning and understanding of psychology to establish the right foundations in their mind. I invest a lot of time, energy, and money in things like softwares, books, design, videos, artists, designers, etc., to provide you with this level of quality content at zero cost. If you love consuming my work and appreciate it, support me. This would help me provide even more value and help humanity grow. Every little penny counts.